two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
i've created a new STD.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
