A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
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