Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
