I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
