There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
