I smell stomach acid.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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