hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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