Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
