I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
