so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Send help, water and tortillas.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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