Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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