Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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