Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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