Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
