I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
