we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
