Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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