Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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