you guys were way drunker than both of me
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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