just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize