That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
