i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
