Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
