If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
