So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
