from now on my penis is your penis
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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