Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
