Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
