have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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