I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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