Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
