All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
It was confusing and full of hummus
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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