We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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