I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
