Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
