you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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