im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I love having hate sex.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
