Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
