News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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