the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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