the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
