Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
