I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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