Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
