Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
