im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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