and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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