Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
