We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Randomize
