Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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