And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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