I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize