I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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