he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
