i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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