I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
