I can text with my tongue
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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