Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
