I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You may now shotgun with the bride
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
