Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
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