i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
