Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
