dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
