Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
the condom got lost in my hair
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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