Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
