STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
