Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
