It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
