Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
